what not to do on a date
by Sapphiet
Summary: Satoshi and Risa are going on a date however not knowing that Dark is going with them, what going to happen and will they survive. Rated T for swearing and cheeky scenes.


"_What not to do on a date"_ or more importantly

How Satoshi **sho****uld** think of the cons for indoor dating

* * *

The nights are always known for a time of **Love** and **Romance** (**minus Dark Mousey if I catch him one more time I'll send him to the mincer!**

Dark: (**runs off while screaming**)) the night skies show the beauty of stars and moonlight with a touch of a gentle breeze (**frozen wind blowing more like**) and a trace of harmony can be seen **( gang violence for example with drugs and murder the plonking BASTERDS GO TO SLEEP ALREADY! DON'T YOU EVER GET FRIKING TIRED GEEZ YAH TWATS!**)

Our scene today can be predicted with love and fun as OUR dear Satoshi had asked the LOVELY Lisa (**no sorry about that folks wrong key**) Risa Harada on a date early morning at 10 am. Now people as you know things are bound to go wrong on a date so please be nice to Satoshi's hard work as to even do this since he has put a lot of effort in to this (**monstrosity**) that's he's tried to leave nothing unturned for the worse (**he even bribed Krad then tricked him as he sealed him up, the cheeky devil**) plus he hasn't told anyone about this so it couldn't get leaked to Saehara. (**Gets hit by the head with a rolled up magazine as he thinks craftily**) So everything is now in place (**are you nuts laugh at him the bastard is crazy! There's no way he'll have anything peaceful can bring!**)

This glorious night shall start with Satoshi Hikari (**also known as Hiwatari but ditch that since the git he was adopted to, had died due to an axe in the back hahahaha! He did not see that one coming how thick could he get! I'm sorry I could just go on...**) cooking a meal in the cooker until suddenly

There is a knock on the door. (**Now as we know people don't get all too excited**)

"Coming!" he called as he washed his hands and went to the door.

"Heresa yah pizza! Sir that would be 9.99 yen" said a peculiar pizza guy with violet hair causing Satoshi to blink.

"Excuse me but I didn't order any pizza" he replied calmly while at the same time shocked.

"But I insist! The number you gave told me to come over!" replied the pizza guy.

"I'm sorry good (**pff not really**) sir but you must of got the wrong...what is this?" Satoshi asked as he was given a piece of paper.

"Your number..."

"How did you get this number?" Satoshi demanded. (**He stole it**)

"You called at 5.30 pm-"

"HOLD ON! THAT WAS YESTERDAY! I ordered my pizza yesterday and it never came!" Satoshi roared making the guy flinch.

'_Damn I should have checked_' Dark squinted, while Satoshi calmed down until he saw...

"Miss Harada" he said formally as the guy (Dark) sped off.

"Enjoyi yah pizza!" he called leaving the two stunned.

"Wasn't that meant for us yesterday?" Risa asked. (**Yesterday got cancelled due to short notice as for the pizza... I ate it then Nina threw it back up due to boredom**)

"Yes and now it's here" he said as he opened it. "And this is not what I ordered" he commented as he saw 2 dead rats on the mouldy pizza. (**With something else I don't think should be wise to say unless you want your lunch thrown back up like this one has**)

"YUCK!" Risa gagged as she peered at it as he looked at the continence then threw the box and it's stench out of the apartment and it (by some miraculous miracle landed on Saehara knocking him out at the garbage dump.

"Why did we have to come here Dark? It's cold at night and mum will kill me for being late out at night. Also I've an exam to prepare for at 7 in the morning" Daisuke complained while Dark took off the pizza outfit. While on the opposite roof:

"Hush Daisuke! Something's up with the commander and I want to find out what? And why Risa turned up" Dark looked over to see Satoshi taking Risa's coat.

"Since when are you interested in my sister pervert?" Riku muttered.

"And I thought you like Rika?" Daisuke asked him as for Riku who was shocked at this.

"You didn't tell me! (Looked at Daisuke) And YOU! Leave my grandmother alone and her grave deserves some peace!" Riku muttered (**famous last words**)

"So how was your day?" Risa asked as he hung her coat up.

"Same as always, there was no meeting so I could go home early. So how was yours?" he smiled as he gave her a peck on the cheek (unknowns' to him Dark blanched in shock while Daisuke and Rikus' jaws dropped)

"H-h-h-he just did what?" Dark looked closer from the roof.

"My sister...how cute!" Riku cooed making Daisuke blush as she squeezed him. (**A little too tightly for his own good and thinking of cute bunnies and butterflies**)(**But really inside she was seething like mad!**

'_That bloody sneak! Why wouldn't she tell me?_'

Risa blushed then gave him a full on kiss making him moan only to whine as she ended it.

"Not yet" she cooed. (While again the trio's jaws hit rock bottom as Satoshi grabbed her behind

"That's it-!" Dark cried as he took out a phone, they looked at the phone.

"Dark don't be rash! They don't know that we are here!" Daisuke hissed only to freeze in horror at Dark's grin

"it'll just be for fun" he smirked.)

Risa sat on the chair that he offered up for her and was about to sit down until...

"Ring Ring"

"I'll get it" he replied while having his mood broken. He picked up the phone while seeing no caller ID.

"Hello?" he asked.

"H-hello? Is this Satoshi Hikari?" asked a voice making him stare in shock.

"This is... help a guy is coming after me please! I'm on 12th Maiden Street!" cried the voice.

(While in the background

"Dark! Lay off and give me the phone!" Daisuke hissed as he tried to get the phone back but Dark kept shoving him away

"Shove off and let me work!" He growled.)

"Sir is this some kind of joke?" he asked while Risa looked with concern.

"No AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the voice cut off suddenly while giving Satoshi an ear ache (while "That got him the sneaky fake, you won't be using her to get to me" Dark sniggered

"Dark the only thing you gave him was an earache" Daisuke said as he rubbed his ear

"You're just upset because of grandma so stop thinking about her" Riku muttered as she slapped his head

"Lay off woman! I was only looking out for her" Dark snapped

"No your being nosey and I thought you didn't like my sister?" he glared at her then continued to look while Riku huffed while resisting the urge to push him off the roof while sending a source pan to the head and watched.)

Satoshi placed the phone down while feeling awkward about what just happened.

"Who was it?" Risa asked as she went to get up.

"No one just a prank call which I couldn't trace so I think it's best just to ignore it" he replied charmingly as he kissed her hand as she stood next to him with worry.

"You look tired are you sure you're ok?" she asked making him blink in confusion.

"Of cause I am I-"

The cooker beeped signalling them that dinner was half done making them sigh and chuckle.

"I'll tend to that" he smiled as she nodded.

"Yeh" she replied and sat down after giving him a light kiss.

"I can't believe that didn't work!" Dark seethed as he dialled the phone again making Daisuke feel uneasy.

"I've a bad feeling about this" Daisuke whined.

"Now how did her voice sound like- oh yes now I remember" Dark smirked evilly while Riku glared at him.

"Could you even pass me a coat? I'm freezing since you took me out of my home in my pyjamas'!" she snapped.

"Patience...I'll give you a coat. Here it comes" he said.

Satoshi sat on the table opposite Risa and held her hand. They felt calm and happy to realise the space between them had vanished, they closed their eyes and Risa held her breath until:

"Ring- Ring" came his phone again. Making them stop and sigh. Risa straightened herself up while he got up.

"I'll get it" he said while feeling annoyed '_stupid phone, next time I'm ripping the cord out_' he thought.

"Hello?" he sighed.

"Yes this is Constable Bridges. I am here to speak to-"

"Good bye never heard of you" he said and hung up leaving Dark astounded by the result and Risa a bit spooked by the odd call.

"Who was it?" she asked as he knelt down to turn off the phone by the plug.

"Prank call" Satoshi sighed as he got up and joined her at the table.

"Dinner is nearly ready by the way" he said to lighten the mood. He leaned close and whispered something, which made Risa laugh and become reddened much to his hope. She quietened down when she saw his hand on hers (HOWEVER) this made Risa blush and her heart quickened as she prepared on what he was about to do when he leaned closer to her...

BANG!

They looked to see the door swing open and out came:

"LOOK! I'm sorry but I could not take it in there anymore I was-am hungry and fed up with being cooped up in that inferno excuse of a prison!" Krad said as he barged right in after they pulled apart to recover from a heart attack.

While outside

"WAHAHA! THAT ACTUALLY DID IT! Dark hooted with delight as Krad came in. The couple next to him glared.

"That happens to be our friend/sister in there! What if Krad loses it?" they ask as for Dark... he shrugs.

"Then I'd be challenge less (**glares from 3 people now**) alright I'll stop him before that happens.

As for Krad:

He opened the fridge and started to raid it with the spectators mortified with the outcome.

"What is going on? Why is he here?" Risa whispered as she turned to Satoshi who gave her... nothing.

"I don't know. I sealed him up with the ring so he wouldn't interfere, so how?-"

He twigs at something

'_There is no way Dark could of caused this, if he did do this then how did he find out? I made sure to keep this between us 2'_ he thought (**you thought wrong brainiac! You really did. Some genius you are. Next time plan harder V-V**)

He remained more frozen then Risa as his glare could really kill then. While Krad remains with raiding the fridge unfazed (**blind more like he doesn't even notice candle lights the plonker! And he's still at it for 5 minutes, 5 more and he-**)

And at long last...

"AHAH! FOUND IT!" Krad declared triumph ally while grinning like a 5 year old finding his long lost teddy he turns to them and loses the grin only to freeze as he then sees the 2 staring at him with stunned awkward silence.

"Eerm (sees candles and twigs as he sees Satoshi gripping the table while quietly seething) I'd... I'd better go" Krad squeaked and took off in a shot"

'_He seemed...happy poor guy_' Risa looked sadly for Krad. They both sighed in relief as that was over.

"Sorry, that wasn't meant to happen" Satoshi said solemnly

"It's okay-"

"NO IT'S NOT! (She looks/gasps) I tried very hard into making this a good night and it's been messed up by one disaster after another. I can't win with it I tried to think of possible things that would happen and I guess there were more distractions then ever messing it up" he sighed while he had his head in his hands. He froze as he felt his hands in hers, she shrugged and smiled warmly at him.

"It's not your fault, things happen unexpectedly, even in movies things come up just like they do in real life so don't beat yourself up for it" Risa said sincerely.

Satoshi smiled lightly while still not quite sure about it.

"Here I'll show you-" she leaned closer making his breathing become less as she kissed him. He placed his hands on her arms as they stood up. However...

The phone in his pocket started to ring making them break apart. His eyes widened at the caller ID.

"I am so sorry about this" Satoshi panted.

"Make it quick" Risa replied.

"Hello this had better be good sergeant, I'm in the middle of something" Satoshi growled.

"S-sorry! But there is an incident at the Azumano cemetery-"

"What kind of incident and make it quick!" Satoshi hissed while feeling agitated while Risa sat down.

"It's the commissioner's grave sir-" the sergeant quivered making Satoshi's eyes widen in horror.

"What about my father's grave?" Satoshi asked.

"It's been set on fire by an unknown person" the sergeant cried making Satoshi's eyebrows go up in surprise .

The culprit!

I cackled very loudly yet insanely as I torched Kei's grave.

"Hehehe! This is deliciously delightful! Taste my fire you Bastard! Burn baby burn! Burn him all up!" I hoot with delight with a deer's foot as the touch. Meanwhile the dear leers angrily at me from the forest.

"Urgh! I told you not to go closer to her and offer her help you twat!" muttered his friend.

"How was I supposed to know she was going to go medieval with it? What am I psychic?" he cried as it hobbled with his friend.

"Some lady of the lake she is. She's gone mad!" he muttered.

"Oho! Not mad my lovely! (He looks) I'm eccentric with joy! AHAHAHAHA!" I cackled.

They stared in fear

"Here's your leg" I tossed it carelessly while it was still on fire

"Do you smell smoke?" he asked while his friend looked down as if it stated the obvious (it did really).

"I hate you" the dear muttered as he became reduced to dear flambé.

As for Satoshi (**who I think has gotten wind of something by link or maybe just guessed**)

"Amina of cause, she was planning a barbecue today but I had to cancel on short notice is that all that happened? Anything else?" he asked.

"Well we managed to get everyone living out, luckily the people are still alive and well (**minus the corpses**) but the dead however weren't as lucky with the fire" sergeant kibble explained. (**Oops Rika's carcass was there. I forgot about her...and Rio...plus her parents... YOU 3 FORGIVE ME! And Rika too**)

"Okay thank you Sergeant, please don't call me until the morning please-"

"But sir this is important! What-" Satoshi hung the phone up in frustration due to the constant nattering of the sergeant.

"I never liked the guy anyways. He always got on my nerves!" he growled as he then threw the impossible throw out the window.

"Dark-"

"Not now Daisuke please I'm trying to look" Dark growled as the finally got Daisuke off him. He turned to look...

DING-DING-DING!

Went Dark's head as he fell backward to the roof. This however caught Satoshi's attention.

"WHAT THE-!" Satoshi gawped as he saw not just Dark but Daisuke-

"What is it Satoshi?" Risa asked. He pointed while frozen with shock.

She looked and her eyes went as round as dinner plates.

"RIKU'S BEEN SPYING ON ME!" Risa screamed.

"N-not just her...Daisuke and Dark have been as well. I think I know who has been prank calling me now" Satoshi blinked as well.

"Dark why am I here still? I want to go home NOW!" Riku yelled as she was next to Daisuke who gulped in fear. She looked at her sister from the window.

"HEY! ISN'T THAT MY SISTER? HEY!" Riku cried as Daisuke tried to duck with back which backfired as it sent all 3 down the building and straight on to the garage, and landed on top of Takeshi Saehara.

"DAISUKE TAKE ME HOME NOW!" Riku screamed while Takeshi however was seeing stars from the crash. (**Bottom Takeshi, 2****nd**** bottom Dark, middle Daisuke and Riku is on top so he's probably knocked out**)

"I can't believe they would (censored!) Do this! What the (censored?) were they doing here? And what were they playing at?" Satoshi yelled angrily.

Satoshi looked round after calming down.

"Risa?" he called. Until he heard the cooker being turned off making him feel more awful then he was 5 minutes ago.

"Risa I'm so sorry-" she placed her figure to his lips.

"sssh! It's okay" she cooed as she coaxed him by kissing him lightly which he responded back.

"Do you want to-" she nodded and he leads her into his room.

When he closed the door through the kissing she sent him on to his bed and kissed his neck making him melt and feel hot (**hold on hot? Uh oh I smell bad sushi? DARK GET YOUR MITS OFF MY SUSHI! YEARA CARRAH ONKEYALL! NIKARA KHENSA MIDAISE!**) (You bloody asswhole! honestly men these days)

'_Why do I feel hot and ache?_' he thought which was interrupted with her stopping and frozen.

"Risa? Are you okay?" Satoshi asked.

"Are you okay?" she asked he nodded.

"Why wouldn't I be?" he asked while looking puzzled at her and the sudden painless feeling. She pointed to a mirror which he looked at-

"See there's nothing wrong... (Closer)DAMN YOUKRAD!" Satoshi screamed as he saw Krad's reflection in the mirror.

"_STOP YELLING AT ME WHAT DID I DO_!" Krad yelled back.

"Look for yourself" Satoshi growled making Krad freeze.

"_Oh...sorry_" he said and Satoshi was back to normal.

"Maybe I should-" the emergency phone rang (great!)

Message

"This is Lisa! And I want to know why you haven't been talking to me for 3 weeks now since the pub after you gave me your number you jerk!" Lisa yelled. Risa stared daggers at him who flinched.

"I swear I don't know this girl" he cried.

Risa however wasn't having it and left the room only to...

"AHH!" he cringed at her screaming as he peeked with the phone by his ear and saw her drenched by water that came out of no were. While she was getting ready to leave while he yelled at Lisa.

"Woman! I don't know you! Nor even saw you in my life!" he yelled.

"Jo Kibble you can't lie to me!" she yelled angrily.

He blanched.

"JO! I HAVE NEVER HEARD THIS JO! I AM SATOSHI HIKARI! NOT JO! HE WORKS FOR ME AND AS SOON AS HE GETS THERE TOMORROW WILL BE FIRED!" Satoshi roared.

"Satoshi? Oh sorry wrong number bye" she hung up leaving him steamed enough to throw or hit something. Unfortunately-

Bang goes the door before he could dry her off.

While the apartment by some strange reason get set on fire.

Minutes later:

"_Cheer up master Satoshi, you still have me_" Krad smiled. (**Unfortunately**).

"And that is good news to me how?" Satoshi growled angrily as he leered hatefully at the buff fire brigade are hosing out the fires. While at the same time women of all ages were drooling over them (**including RISA? man she's quick! next day she dumped him though for being boring**)

"Well..."

"Look-"

SPLAT!

As a bird drops something on his head, making him a very unhappy man.

* * *

**I don't know about you but I think he's had enough... for now should I-? maybe not. YOU! DECIDE!**

**also a big thank you Little bit 101 for inspiring and helping me on this MOD (masterpiece of destruction) I hope this is ok tell me what you think but please no flames**


End file.
